The Life You Design
“Who or what do you want to grow into?”
That is the challenge and reframe to the age-old question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” that the authors (Bill Burnett and Dave Evans) of this month’s book read, Designing Your Life, pose as the real question for us to consider as we embark on designing our life. In fact, this question is so important that the authors of this book actually teach a college course, Designing Your Life, which is the most popular course offered at Stanford University.
Most of the angst, anxiety, and stress we endure is connected to solving the ‘problem’ of figuring out what to do with our lives. Consequently, when we shift our focus from trying to ‘solve’ our lives and put effort into experimenting, investigating, risk taking, and actually living our lives, the pressure of ‘getting it right’ dissipates and affords opportunities for discovery, creativity, and passion. I am no stranger to this mindset and mental orientation. Like you, I had a plan and was determined to stick to it. I knew exactly what was supposed to happen in my life and career by the time I was 35 years old. And, like most of you (statistically, 80% of us), it didn’t happen...and I was devastated, crushed, and felt like a complete failure. After spending 6 months staring at the walls on my mother’s couch (my old room was transformed into her sewing area), trying to recover from a divorce and unfulfilled career, I realized that the prepackaged life I thought I lost was not the only life available to me. After months of reflection, I figured out that I could actually design my own life - I could take all of those experiences (some successes and plenty of failures), remove the limiting beliefs and assumptions, take a chance on myself, and craft a life that was meaningful, purposeful, full of love, and financially sustainable.
My therapist recommended this book to me last year and I am methodically working my way through its lessons, activities, reflections, and reframes. I am learning that joy is possible. I am learning to define success by my own standards. I am learning not to feel guilty or weird by not doing things or seeing things like everyone else. I am allowing the artist and creative inside of me to be an active part of my existence. I now know that the reality I was striving for at 35 years old was just the runway to the life I would ultimately design for myself. I am a better husband, better father, better servant leader, and better coach/trainer because I’m designing my life as I live it. So, leader - are you willing to let go of your fabricated/prepackaged life to give yourself the gift of designing the life you were actually meant to live? Designing your life is less about demolishing the life you’re currently living. Rather, it’s about taking responsibility for designing the fascinating life awaiting you! Read the book and start the design process!
Quote for Growth
“You never finish designing your life - life is a joyous and never-ending design project of building your way forward.”